Writing Alone and Staying Productive
I’ve been beating myself up about getting behind on my writing lately, even though I know it’s a sure way to slow the process to a standstill. For me, creativity depends on a free, unencumbered flow of ideas. Nothing clogs the works more effectively than self-castigation. The worst part is, I know better. I know productivity isn’t all about words on the page.
I consider myself productive, at least on a conscious level if I get my ever-growing list of daily tasks done, put another batch of healthy meals in my freezer, or get the latest deliveries unpacked, sanitized, and put away. But when I look at where I am with my writing schedule, no amount of other achievements seems to allow for understanding and acceptance when I’m behind on my own writing.
Heaven knows, a lot has slipped over the past year, even while achieving things I never expected to. I seem to have blinders on when my blog schedule slips, and though my editing of “Rebuilding After Suicide” has ground to a complete halt for the last 6 months, instead of cutting myself some slack, I’ve beaten myself to a bloody pulp, to the point where I can’t even open one of the files any more.
Finding Your Motivation
Like anything else, there comes a time when you have to tell yourself, “Enough!” You have to 
push aside all excuses; all resistance, and get back up on that horse, so to speak. Filling my freezer with a wider variety of single-serving meals is actually one way I do that.
Once I’m satisfied I have both quantity and variety, I have less excuses for putting off the inevitable. Does it mean I’ll be knocking out chapters right and left by tomorrow? No. But it does mean I will find less excuses to put it off, all of which are, by the way, completely lame.
Granted, going through the chapters and rewriting them with even more personal details is hard as hell, and an emotional shit storm. But if I want people to relate, and to understand how I’ve felt wading through the debris of not only my own life, but that of my parents, there’s no other way to do it than to relive the feelings; the pain, the guilt, the anger, and yes, the depression too. I know on a conscious level the longer I put off bringing those feelings out into the open, the harder it becomes.
Impacted feelings are the hardest to dislodge, and the most painful to address. The funny thing is, the relief you feel once you do climb on that particular bronc and ride out the feelings until they’re no longer painful is infinitely better than continuing to put forth the effort to hold them in, or worse, pretend they’re not there.
Impacted Feelings Affect Creativity
Old habits die hard, and I was taught from the cradle to keep my feelings to myself. Though I’ve grown better about sharing in the last 10 years or so, there are still times when I want to hold those feelings close to my chest, assuring them I’ll never make them go out into the hard, cold world alone.
I know, like a mother with her children, the best thing to do is let them go, but a small part of me wants to hang onto them forever, as both needy child and security blanket.
As long as I harbor those mistaken beliefs, I’m stuck. My writing suffers. My desire to publish, and speak on family suicide, and mental health goes nowhere. My novels molder in their Word files, sad, ignored, and stagnant. It might take an act of will on my part to get this train moving again. It will take convincing myself it’s not only in my best interests, but worth the trouble. It will mean reiterating that I owe it to others to tell my story in it’s raw, broken glory as often, and as loudly as I can.
Not only my personal story is at risk here. The novels I’ve written each contain a piece of me, and they need to see the light of day as well. I watch fellow authors putting their work out there, some for the first time, and others, time and time again. They’re no braver than me. Some are more talented, but most are simply unwilling to sit back and allow the world to pass them by, leaving too many words unspoken; unshared.
Keeping Your Goals in View
Motivation is a personal thing. No matter how hard you try, you can’t give someone else 
motivation. You might inspire it in some, especially if you have the leadership skills to do so. But when push comes to shove, the motivation comes from the individual, not some outside source.
If you depend on having a carrot on a stick dragging you forward, you’ll only go as far as the carrot might lead. Then, like a tame animal, you’ll stop until the next carrot is proffered.
To achieve your own goals, you have to find a way to motivate yourself, and keep your energy and excitement up for the run of each project. You have to learn to get excited over and over again by what you, yourself produce, despite frustration, despite setbacks, and most of all, despite rejections. Your work will not resonate with everyone, and often, it’s a game of trial and error before you find the right audience.
That’s OK. Trial and error is the mark of any innovator or creator. You have to believe in yourself; the work you do, the words you write, the art you create. If you believe enough, your passion will be your calling card. Continuing to show up will be a magnet for those who will relate, and want more of what you have to offer.
The perils and Pitfalls of a Solitary Road
Is it an easy road? Not even close. Is it a quick fix? Nothing worth having works like that. If you want a quick fix, try a Band-aid. Is it worth the effort? Only you know the answer to that one.
If you’re willing to travel a rocky road filled with perils, pitfalls, and rodents of unusual size; to live a life of solitude much of the time, and to write your own story, quite literally, you’ll find satisfaction on your personal path.
For me, I’m still fighting the perils, not the least of which are ennui, discouragement, and procrastination. I’ve learned if I keep showing up, writing words, sharing stories, and plugging away without forcing it, I’ll ultimately prevail. Perhaps in some ways, I already have.
About the Author
Sheri Conaway is a Holistic Ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri 
believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income.
If you’d like to have her write for you, please visit her Hire Me page for more information. You can also find her on Facebook Sheri Levenstein-Conaway Author.
Be sure to watch this space for news of the upcoming releases of ” Rebuilding After Suicide” and “Sasha’s Journey”.
