Lining Up Ducks Isn’t the Goal
Just about the time I get all my ducks lined up in a nice, neat row, a tasty fly zips by, and the little suckers scatter. I used to fight it; spending far too much of my time trying to herd them all back together, and line them up in whatever order I saw fit at the time. I know now it was an exercise in futility, and one with no real purpose. The only thing it accomplished was to keep me from enjoying the moments; from seeing my purpose was never to herd ducks, cats, or any other creature. The only one in my control was, and always will be me.
Today, I start the day with a positive thought instead. I decide it’ll be a good day, and add a little gratitude for good measure. Does it mean my day will go exactly as planned? Hardly. It does mean whatever comes, I’ll face it with an attitude of gratitude and positivity. I won’t try to control anyone else’s behavior, nor change anyone’s mind. Instead, I’ll focus on being the best me I can be, and most of all, on taking things one step; one moment; one task at a time.
Though life has settled into a slower paced, less stressful pattern over the last few years, there are still times I’ll get wound up; usually about something that’s beyond my control or influence. There’s an endless loop in my brain that says; Stay out of judgement. What others do, think, or say is none of my business. Stay in the moment. The past is gone, and the future isn’t here yet.
What Truly Matters
Sometimes, I need only play the internal recording once or twice, while others, I have to stop whatever I’m doing, sit down, and breathe. Those are the times I fall back into old patterns, trying to chase down all my ducks, thinking it’s my job to corral them. Nothing is further from the truth. Ducks will be ducks. Whether they’re swimming, flying, fishing, or chasing bugs, it’s not my job to change their course. When I’m busy trying to control the things I can’t, my own life; the one course I actually have influence over, goes off the rails, and sails out of control.
Granted, focusing on regaining a modicum of control over my own course means I have less time to worry about what others are doing, thinking, or saying, which is a good thing. If nothing else, getting myself back on track is a lot more effective, and less stressful than trying to wrangle the ducks, or change someone else’s beliefs or behavior.
For the most part, I’ve created a life which is independent of other people’s actions, but let’s face it. Nobody lives in a bubble. There will always be something that could get my goat…if I let it. Crazy drivers, rude people, or slow responses to requests for information all have the potential to get my ire up. But if I’m not already caught up in someone else’s whirlpool, it’s much easier to take a step back, breathe, and ask myself if it’s really a problem in the overall scheme of things.
Change Your Perspective, Change Your Life
Photo-Malmö, Sweden
More often than not, the answer is no. The moment I’ve taken helps put things in perspective, and best of all, keeps the minor irritant from ruining my whole day like it used to. Once upon a time, I allowed others to influence my mood, my attitude, and even my self-image. When I learned I was essentially giving away my personal power, it was like a search light came on, and lit the dark, dreary path before me, highlighting all the potholes, and missteps along the way.
I realized my lack of progress, and worse, failure to acknowledge the progress I’d made were self-sabotaging behaviors I’d acquired while imagining what the opinions of others said about how I should live my life. The truth is, no one knows my life better than me, and there’s no way I could possibly know what others are thinking, or where their beliefs are coming from, so why would I ever allow what I can only surmise to guide me on my journey?
Too many people fall into the pattern I dragged myself out of forcefully, and relentlessly. They beat themselves up for failing to live up to standards which, in all likelihood aren’t even of someone else’s making. Instead, they’re a cobbled together set of beliefs about expectations, thoughts, and standards attributed to people who are oblivious to the whole process.
To Each Their Own Agenda
In fact, they’re probably too busy trying to live up to their own misguided standards, to give a damn about what someone else is doing, They’re trying desperately to find their own feeling of self-worth in what feels like an unforgiving world.
The last few years have taught me people around me aren’t so much unforgiving, as caught up in their own drama; their own challenges; their own false beliefs about what constitutes a successful life for themselves. The only person completely invested in someone’s success is them. Everyone else has their own agenda.
Sure, friends and family are supportive when they’re able. But depending on them for my motivation, inspiration, and accolades is like waiting for Godot. Chances are, they’re busy trying to line up their own recalcitrant ducks, and have no idea I’m floundering, or could use a little encouragement.
Treasure Those Who Relight Your Spark
Yet, there are small lights in my tunnel that actually come from unexpected places. One friend will say, every time he sees me; “Keep writing!” In those two words I see I’m touching at least one person with the words I pound out on my keyboard. It doesn’t matter how, why, or when I’m touching him.
He simply lets me know I am. I doubt he’ll ever really know how much it lifts me up when I feel like I’m floundering. He’s clearly that spark who relights the candle of people like me when our own flame sputters out, or burns so low as to no longer light the way.
I treasure those unexpected words of encouragement, though I’m no longer waiting for them, nor looking for them from people who are more likely to criticize than support. I’ve learned to give those who thrive on finding fault a wide berth, knowing they’re fighting their own dragons, and lashing out because they feel like they’re losing the battle.
Unkind words, or impossible expectations never come from people who are happy with their lives, and focused on their own path. They come from those who’s ducks are refusing to line up neatly. They are frustrated, angry, stressed out, and unable to put their lives into perspective. Once you become conscious of who truly influences your life, you’ll no longer seek external validation. You’ll no longer try to line up ducks who aren’t even you’re problem. You’ll focus instead on the most important person in your life—YOU!
Grateful for All the Lessons
My gratitudes today are:
- I’m grateful for all the times I stumbled and fell on my face, because they taught me I control who, what, and where I’m tripped up in the first place.
- I’m grateful for people who encourage me when they don’t have to. They teach me by their actions how to be a better person myself.
- I’m grateful for letting go of what I thought were other peoples’ expectations, but were really just my own false impressions.
- I’m grateful for learning it’s not my job to control anyone but myself.
- I’m grateful for abundance; love, joy, encouragement, inspiration, motivation, dedication, self-love, health, peace, harmony, balance, philanthropy, and prosperity.
Namaste
About the Author
Sheri Conaway is a Holistic Ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri 
believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income.
If you’d like to have her write for you, please visit her Hire Me page for more information. You can also find her on Facebook Sheri Levenstein-Conaway Author.
Be sure to watch this space for news of the upcoming releases of ” Rebuilding After Suicide” and “Sasha’s Journey”.
