The New Face of Procrastination
As a new week begins, I’m reflecting on the tasks I have before me; the things I must do, the things I want to do, and the things I’m putting off doing. I realize I’ve created excellent habits around writing and scheduling my blog posts, consistently staying at least 2 weeks ahead. I credit tools like Trello, and guidance from my coach and mentor, Linda Clay for helping me assign due dates to all tasks I consider necessary.
Yet as the notes from my editor lie face-down on the desk beside my computer, I realize I’m also using those “must do” tasks an excuse for avoiding something much larger, and in many ways, far more important—re-working Life Torn Asunder; Rebuilding After Suicide.
I’m applauding my efforts to stay 2 weeks ahead and more on my blog posts. Posts to Medium are scheduled out until the end of June, and have been since mid-May. So I really have no excuse for avoiding incorporating the notes into a new working copy of my manuscript and beginning the laborious process of re-working, and in many places, re-writing what I’ve already been over several times.
Asking the Pertinent Questions
So what’s stopping me? I have to ask myself the question over and over because the child in 
me keeps changing the subject or gazing out the window at the squirrels playing tag around the trunk of a tree. She nibbles on a cuticle, refusing to make eye contact as I ask again, why haven’t I picked up the manuscript and started the process. Why am I writing more blog posts when I already have nearly 3 weeks’ worth in my queue?
More to the point, why do I keep refusing help? Granted, I am not interested in signing up for yet another course I know I’ll drop in the middle. I have one right now I’ve been avoiding because the last assignment threw me for a loop. (I’m supposed to list all the things I’m good at, and find I can only come up with a handful, though I know there are more if I open my mind up a bit.) That alone makes me resistant to adding another to my list.
Perhaps the problem lies in my lack of organization. Blog posts became regular and consistent when I assigned due dates. I finished the draft and re-write of Life Torn Asunder when I assigned dates to the chapters. Maybe that’s all I’m missing right now; accountability.
I’ve made a couple of ill-fated attempts at having and being an accountability partner. I don’t know if I simply misunderstand the concept, or am not a good candidate for the job. Regardless, I have proven I can be accountable to myself, provided I set achievable goals and dates for me to accomplish them.
The Answers, As Always, Lie Within
As I write, I realize I’ve had the solution all along, not only for getting back on track with my manuscript, but for completing the course I let fall by the wayside. I know the process must include due dates for easily digestible bites of the projects, plus a reasonable amount of time for acquiring new skills.
There are also wounds to lick as I process the fact that my writing skills lack in certain areas whether I want to admit and accept that or not. I am no J.K. Rowling, Nora Roberts, or Stephen King with years of writing professionally under my belt. I haven’t learned skills they acquired through years of edits, rejections, re-writes, and a helluva lot more words than I’ve pounded out. I’ve paid some dues, but the longer I procrastinate, the more time it takes to pay enough to get some of those words out to the general public.
Procrastination Keeps Me Dishonest
One of the most insidious parts of procrastination is how it keeps me from admitting to my 
weaknesses and imperfections. If I don’t finish the memoir (or self-help book. I’m not so sure right now), or any of my novels, I don’t have to face rejection. I don’t have to let people see what I do in a longer piece, and find me wanting. And I don’t have to admit there are things about the craft I don’t know.
Though I learn best by doing, I’m avoiding learning the longer I procrastinate. I make no mistakes, but I don’t grow either.
Perhaps that’s the biggest roadblock. My mind and inner child still fight change. Finishing and publishing any one of my current works in progress will change my life indelibly. A part of me fears those changes, even while rushing headlong towards them. Insisting I need to get more blog posts written before I work on the course or the book are the brakes on my out-of-control train that’s rushing towards publication without plan or program.
My Inner Child Takes the Wheel When I’m Not Looking
My inner child hangs on the rope telling the conductor to stop the train, throwing all her weight into the task as the wheels squeal on the metal rails. Sparks shoot into the brush growing in and around the tracks, starting small fires along the way, until the wheels stop spinning and all forward progress stops.
I focus on all the small, inconsequential fires while my train is at a standstill in the middle of nowhere waiting for someone or something to give it a new destination—a goal which will give it reason and purpose to start moving again—to send the little girl back to her seat with a coloring book or a snack.
I know it’s time to get my train moving again and ignore the small fires which will burn themselves out for lack of fuel. I know how to create a new plan. Yet I sit here, pounding out another blog post because, in my mind I’m behind and need to catch up before I can go onto something new. Or in reality, to return to something older and in more need of attention.
Seeing Procrastination for What it Truly Is
In and of itself, my mindset isn’t a bad thing. Procrastination in the past took the form of 
jumping from one task to another, never finishing anything. I’ve learned to finish things, and to meet my self-imposed deadlines. It’s time to add the tougher tasks to my schedule—the ones that scare the crap out of me, but will take me further than I ever thought I’d go.
As usual, fear is at the root of my procrastination. It’s time to face my fears and realize the monsters under the bed are not now, nor have they ever been real. I’m a writer. Those monsters are figments of my imagination, to incorporate into stories, not real life.
There’s No Shame in Admitting You need Help to Overcome Procrastination
Is procrastination halting your forward progress? Are you overwhelmed by your own To Do List? Would you like to take a task or two off your plate? Maybe it’s content creation, or perhaps it’s getting your books in order and creating a budget. If this sounds familiar and you’re ready to streamline your life and give your business space to grow and thrive, CONTACT ME and let’s talk!
About the Author
Sheri Conaway is a writer, blogger, ghostwriter, and advocate for cats. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income. If you’d like to have her write for you, please visit her Hire Me page for more information. You can also find her on Facebook Sheri Levenstein-Conaway Author. And check out her new group, Putting Your Whole Heart Forward.
Be sure to watch this space for news of the upcoming release of “Life Torn Asunder: Rebuilding After Suicide”.
