Perfection is Elusive
Though I’m anything but a perfectionist, like many who are, there are areas in my life where I strive for perfection, all the while knowing it’s not only an elusive beast, but an ever-evolving one. It’s many tentacles reach out to trip up the unwary, and throw new, increasingly challenging requirements in your path the closer you get to it’s malignant, soul-sucking maw.
Many have learned to be happy with “good enough”, and usually, I’m one. But when it comes to editing any of the book drafts in my collection, “good enough” is never as satisfying. Perhaps the goal of publishing one or more of my efforts in the foreseeable future is too grand, or too scary so I unconsciously toss roadblocks in my own way.
The idea of ever making any of them perfect should be sufficient, and often makes me step away from the project doubting it’ll ever be good enough to publish, or even pitch to someone in hopes they’ll take on the task of perfecting sentence structure, word usage, and plot line.
Kicking Self-Doubt to the Curb
Self-doubt is the ugly stepchild of perfection. It’s the voice in your head saying; “Who do you 
think you are? You aren’t worthy of walking the hallowed halls of perfection, so you might as well give up now.”
I’ve allowed myself to succumb to those words too often, and put my projects on hold after each determined push to complete what I optimistically believe will be my final edit. Yet here I am, stuck once again, with many chapters left to rewrite. Halted, this time, by the belief I’ll never master the art of showing emotions rather than telling them.
Meanwhile, I’ve taped more helpful reminders on the wall of photographs behind my computer screens; colorful posters with titles like “Feeling Words”, and “Wheel of Feelings”. I even enlarged the wheel on my screen to better view the words contained in the multicolored spokes. Yet still I pause. I hesitate. I doubt. I wonder if I’ll get it right on the next iteration, or even the next 20. Are the words and thoughts contained therein even worth expending the effort to perfect, or to even make good enough.
Traveling in Good Company
The light at the end of my personal inky tunnel is I’m not alone. The rut I find myself returning to time and time again is the stomping grounds for many a creative. It’s a place where every flaw stands out like a flashing neon sign pulsing in the shadows with malice and evil glee. It urges me to question my worth, my talent, my value, and my purpose, but never offers encouragement, or highlights my successes.
You might think these demons are insurmountable, and destined to win the war I wage between perfection and good enough. But I’ve learned each time I sit down to write, put fingers to keys, and let the words spew forth; each time I open a file containing previous work and begin to read it with an open mind and heart, looking for ways to make it better, yet admitting what’s already there isn’t half bad, I win another battle. I move a few steps closer to my publishing goals. I knock another demon out of my way.
It’s a slow, tedious, often frustrating process. I’ve learned to appreciate the small indications of progress made even if I have to look backwards for a moment to recognize they’re there; to recognize the last 10 years or so haven’t been wasted. Most of all, those looks back keep me from throwing in the towel; from restoring my work wardrobe so I can go out and get a “real” job again.
Keep the Words Flowing
Writing, or otherwise creating art is a real job. It isn’t for someone who wants to make a lot of 
money quickly, or even at all. It isn’t for the impatient, nor for someone who’s unwilling to recognize the small steps; the progress that can’t be quantified on spread sheets. It’s for someone who has to create their art, as much as they need to breathe. Who would make their art (and often does) whether or not there’s a financial or personal reward.
I’ve lost count of the number of words I’ve published in the last decade, both on my own websites, and others. Financial returns for my efforts have been comparatively small, especially when measured against rewards for my accounting expertise. If dollars and cents were my only unit of measure, I’d never have left accounting, truth be told. I’d have long since given it my full attention, instead of relegating it to second place.
The true reward for continuing to put words on the screen, both here, and in my ever-increasing collection of Word documents is something I can’t explain. It’s a feeling of accomplishment I can’t measure, and a fulfillment of dreams essential to my being.
Applauding Other People’s Successes
In following this crazy passion, I get to live vicariously through others who follow this path. I 
applaud the announcements of a newly published work, a query or pitch perfected and sent, or a speaking engagement that came from their efforts.
Each success reminds me that person was once where I am. Uncertain, frustrated, ready to quit, but mostly determined to keep going until success comes from the effort I’m putting in, and the muse I chase because I simply have no choice.
I’ll continue to chase success, and perfection as long as my eyes can see the screen, and my fingers can manipulate the keys. Neither is my ultimate goal, but goes part and parcel with the driving need to continue putting words on the screen, and manipulating them over and over until they’re as perfect as I can get them. Like those who’ve come before me, I breathe words onto the page as others breathe air from their lungs.
Writing truly is the lifeblood that keeps me wanting to get up every morning and begin a new day filled with possibilities and opportunities. I don’t need to see what’s at the end of the road ahead. I only need to see there’s a road, however faint upon which to place my feet, one persistent step at a time.
About the Author
Sheri Conaway is a Holistic Ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri 
believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income.
If you’d like to have her write for you, please visit her Hire Me page for more information. You can also find her on Facebook Sheri Levenstein-Conaway Author.
Be sure to watch this space for news of the upcoming releases of ” Rebuilding After Suicide” and “Sasha’s Journey”.
