Learning to Read Desperation Accurately
As I dig deeper into what I need to know and do to promote my business, I see it affecting more than just the business. For example, as I’m learning how people sense and are repelled by desperation in sales conversations, I’m more aware of it in the people around me, and realize I unconsciously withdraw a bit from the ones who exhibit this trait.
Even though they’re not trying to sell me something per se, the desperation that drives them to adopt certain behavior patterns is uncomfortable to watch. They don’t even realize they’re exuding an aura of desperation, but somehow, I see it in their eyes, and feel it in the energy they put out. There’s a kind of frantic need to appear happy and engaged, until, at least to me, it feels forced and over the top.
The more I learn about Social Currency, the more I realize how I’m building mine by recognizing both attractive and unattractive traits in others. I’m learning to read a room more effectively and increasing my accuracy in determining who might be the best fit for me. My initial scan is not typically focused on creating a business relationship, nor should it be. More and more, I’m realizing most good business relationships begin on a social level where people discover areas of commonality and connection.
In the Beginning, Social Currency Is An Inexact Science
Even so, for me at least, it’s still a game of trial and error, mostly because initial meetings are 
often conducted through masks. None of us likes to show all our cards or expose all our oddities in a first meeting, or even a fifth in many cases. I tend to proceed cautiously, showing a few quirks, but mostly blending in. Though there are some who stand out right away, I’m learning it isn’t because they’re more open and genuine. Often, they have a complex series of tactics designed to protect their soft, gooey center. Employing a strong offense distracts most people from the truth hidden beneath the charm and excess energy.
As an Empath, I may be fooled initially, but it won’t be long before I can even sense the underlying pain from a photograph, much less when I’m in close proximity. I’m learning desperation carries it’s own kind of energy. I can almost feel a person trying to swim upstream, fighting the tide that’s trying to carry them somewhere they’re afraid to go, even though in the long run, it’s the best route for them to take.
As they fight their way upstream, they connect with all the wrong people. Thus, they add disappointment to their air of desperation. Continuing to make all the wrong connections makes the air of desperation grow stronger, and the disappointments mount. Yet they don’t see how they, themselves are causing the disappointments by fighting their inner guidance system over where and how to proceed.
Using Past Experience to Improve My Social Skills
I see it more clearly now, as I spent a lot of time being that desperate, disappointed person. I carried that defeated air I was unable to hide from showing through my eyes. It physically hurts me to see it in my friends and acquaintances now but I know they’ll have to figure it out for themselves, as I had to.
I think recognizing it in others is one of the first lessons in reading people more accurately, and determining whether I’m a good fit for them. It’s one of the less subtle emanations, much like anger, for the novice to read. That’s not to say I’m a novice at reading people. But I am in my infancy when it comes to ensuring I’m reading what’s actually there rather than what I’m hoping to see.
Part of the process is getting out of desperation mode myself and implementing positive indifference in all aspects of my life and career. Until I can easily accept any outcome without labeling them as good or bad, I’ll continue to misread certain people. The good news is, lately, I don’t misread them for long. I start to see cracks in their facade more quickly than I used to, and see the real person they might be trying to hide.
Getting Past the Masks to Build Relationships
Often, I gain a little advantage because they believe the mask is still firmly in place. I get to see 
them when they’re in a vulnerable state; one I both respect and admire. From there I get a much more accurate idea of whether we can complement each other, or if it’s best to walk away before friction develops.
What it all comes down to is a desire to have clients rather than customers. I’m learning I want to be in it for the long haul. To do that, I have to be willing to spend time building relationships before I bring some of them on as clients. In some ways, it’s a lot like the systems and schedules I created when I worked as an accountant. There was a lot of time and effort on the front end before I had a streamlined, simple system going forward. Sometimes, the system I created didn’t quite do the job and I had to go through a couple of iterations before it solved the problem I was addressing.
Gaining New Skills and Building Networks
Building relationships involves going places I’ve never gone before. Instead of working with spreadsheets and software, I’m working with humans. It’s a scary world for me, but I’m starting to overcome the fear. I’ve already scaled what was the highest mountain for me; allowing myself to be vulnerable. My current efforts involve combining several skills I’ve learned along the way to attract others who have learned to use their vulnerability as an asset. I credit Landon Porter and the incredibly supportive members of The Gorilla Army Nation for helping me learn the skills I lack.
Together we will form, strong, enduring relationships based, not on pretense and games which was the culture in so many corporate environments I visited. Instead, the relationships will take advantage of our unique and diverse selves without the need or desire to be anything but who and what we are. When I think of all the years I wasted trying to fit in and be what others expected, I can only be grateful I managed to scrape away the muck so I could see the lesson I was supposed to learn.
About the Author
Sheri Conaway is a writer, blogger, ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri 
believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income. If you’d like to have her write for you, please visit her Hire Me page for more information. You can also find her on Facebook Sheri Levenstein-Conaway Author. And check out her new group, Putting Your Whole Heart Forward.
Be sure to watch this space for news of the upcoming release of ” Rebuilding After Suicide”.
