Choosing the Longer Road to Relationship Building
My business these days is to write full time, and promote my writing. I’m starting to get some notice on Medium and LinkedIn, but as with everything, it could be awhile until I get anything out of it. I see it as part of the dues I’ll pay for the success I will find if I’m willing to stick it out.
I look back over the last 6 years since I quit my accounting job and see a rather twisted path, and yet, I’ve honestly stayed the course through all the twists and turns. I’m still focused on spending the rest of my life writing and publishing. I’ve simply had to look at the reality to understand better how that looks for me.
Some people are really good at pitching their ideas and get work through their pitches. Others do well cold selling (my least favorite method, if we’re being honest). I’ve fallen in with a group that teaches “relationship marketing”. If you’d asked me a few years if I’d build my business by developing relationships with other humans, I’d have probably laughed in your face. But the truth is, I’m a lot better at connecting with people than I realized.
It’s certainly a longer road, at least for someone like me who’s kept few connections and relationships from her former life. But it isn’t insurmountable, and I’m seeing seedlings sprouting from the seeds I’ve planted. If I have to spend time nurturing them (e.g. writing and posting in a number of different places to get my name and skill set out there), I can only say it’s truly a labor of love after spending more than 30 years crunching numbers day in and day out. As a bonus, I get to crunch numbers now and then, but on my own schedule and set of expectations.
Selectivity is the Key
Developing relationships doesn’t mean accepting every invitation I receive. Many have a single 
agenda; to sell their product or service. Recently, a woman on LinkedIn sent me a connection request because she gives ghostwriting classes. At least she was up front about it, and I had the option to say “no thank you”. Too many times, I’ve accepted a friend request only to receive an immediate (and probably automated) PM with their sales pitch. I realize that was their plan all along, and it irritates me no end. They don’t even try to establish a relationship.
From now on, I think I’ll respond that way. “I’m sorry, I only connect with people who are willing to put in the time to get to know me without any expectations for selling me anything.” It may sound harsh, but I’m willing to put in the time to get to know someone without expecting anything in return. I believe I deserve the same consideration.
It all comes down to fine tuning my ICA (Ideal Client Avatar), or really, multiple ICA’s. As I go through Landon Porter’s LeadsLab, I’m becoming more comfortable about not having a very detailed, exact picture of the people I want to work with/for. The age ranges have become broader, as have marital status and whether or not they’re parents. I’m learning to focus more on life experiences, moral and social issues, and a willingness to be vulnerable.
Understanding My ICA by Developing Qualities in Myself
As I interact with others, I get clearer on what I will or will not tolerate. That weeds out a number of people and companies. Beyond that, I start getting into the qualities I’m learning I love about others; compassion, strength of character, respect for others, being more accepting and less judgemental. It helps me further develop those qualities in myself, so I’ll be able to attract clients I’ll love, and who will share values.
In hindsight, I see how often I’ve written for people who only share a couple of my values, and how much harder it was for me to serve them well. I don’t expect a 100% match across the board (not even the dating apps can guarantee that!). In fact, I’d find it boring. I learn more from people who have differing viewpoints and opinions than I do from those who match me point for point. Still, we have to match on some of the important ones, or writing in their voice will be much harder. Not impossible, mind you, as I’ve already proven to myself, but more difficult.
I really like hearing I’ve nailed someone’s voice so it’s imperative I at least understand where they’re coming from and what challenges they’ve faced which helped mold the person they’ve become. Which brings me back around to forming relationships. Somehow, somewhere, I have to take the time to develop a relationship with them. People don’t typically share the deepest, darkest parts of themselves with strangers. By the time they reach adulthood, they’ve developed a sense of who they can and cannot trust.
Trust: An Integral Part of Healthy Relationships
Developing the unique, trusting relationships I feel best suit my writing and how I can use it to 
help others demands a level of trust and connection which is only established over time. It can’t be rushed, nor can I allow my time to be taken up by people who’s values and direction are too far removed from mine.
Relationship building is a sort of weeding process. You let a few in, get to know them, and see if there are any red flags. If the red flags are significant, you cull those people from your scope and begin the process again. Meanwhile, you’re establishing a strong foundation of resources, not with the intention to sell anything, per se, but to give yourself a network where, ultimately, any product or service you require is available either directly or by referral.
I’m learning and growing as I go. I’ve made some mistakes, missed red flags, or taken on work for the wrong reasons. But I’ve also added a few arrows to my quiver, so to speak. I have a few people I can now go to for encouragement or advice; people I’d refer others to who might need their area of expertise. I guess you’d say I’m in a period of sowing so at some point in the future, I’ll get to reap the crop that feeds my soul, and makes me happy, productive, and complete.
About the Author
Sheri Conaway is a writer, blogger, ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri 
believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income. If you’d like to have her write for you, please visit her Hire Me page for more information. You can also find her on Facebook Sheri Levenstein-Conaway Author. And check out her new group, Putting Your Whole Heart Forward.
Be sure to watch this space for news of the upcoming release of ” Rebuilding After Suicide”.
