Reflections: Looking Forward by Looking Back

Every year at this time, since I quit my job to become a writer, I pause to reflect on the things I’ve accomplished, the changes I’ve made, and how far I’ve come since that fateful day when I took an enormous leap of faith and followed a dream I voiced over half a century ago.

This year is no different. I don’t have anything huge to report this year (I didn’t even finish Nano, and the novel I started last year still lacks a few chapters and an ending). But I can still say with all honesty that I’m learning, growing, and above all, moving closer to the dream of being a published author.

What Did and Didn’t Work for Me Last Year

I started out the year working with a photographer friend, attending food events and writing articles to go with her pictures. We ultimately parted ways when the direction we each wanted to take no longer created a viable connection. Yet, the places I went, the experiences I had, and the people I met were worth the time and effort. I have a number of articles and interviews under my belt, and can say without a doubt that I took some giant leaps outside my comfort zone.

As in previous years, I’ve had my share of false starts, and have yet to find a way to give my writing a wider reach, but still, I keep writing. I’ve added plenty of blog posts and articles to my website and blog, have published a few things on other people’s sites, and even have an ill-fated article on Lifehack. (“hack” being the operative word as they hacked it up, trying to make it appeal to everyone until, sadly, it appealed to no one and left me embarrassed to have my name attached to it). But I learned a few more things about WordPress in the process and use what I learned to improve what I put on my own sites. It just goes to show that even the most unfavorable experiences leave us with something valuable.

Where Do I Go From Here?

With encouragement from several sources, I posted a few chapters of my memoir/self-help book which I renamed Forgotten Victims, in serialized form on my website. As those same sources are encouraging me to publish said book, I’m slowly taking the chapters down again. In the meantime, I’m researching publishers, learning what’s expected of a book pitch and working on an outline. In the process, I’m getting a better idea of how I’ll add content to reach the 70,000+ words I need if I want to get anyone to take me seriously. I’m learning that the process of outlining the chapters gives me a better idea of what I have and don’t have, and where my manuscript needs work. I foresee doing the same thing for the novels for which I have completed drafts. I might even use it to figure out how I’ll finish Hannah’s Chair which is desperately in need of a few more chapters, and more importantly, a direction, as I seem to have lost my way.

One of the most important lessons I learned over the last 3 years, and especially in 2016 was compassion. I know I still have a long way to go, but I’m stepping outside myself more and more, seeing things from others’ points of view and doing my best to learn from people who, at least from where I stand, appear to just be inherently kind. I’ve embraced the concept of Random Acts of Kindness, and  actively look for ways to pay it forward in my own humble way. I’m learning it’s not about how much money you spend or how many acts you perform. It’s not about the magnitude at all, nor is it about recognition. Many times, it’s as simple as a smile, or holding  a door for the person behind you.

The hardest lesson of all this year was tuning out the anger, the hate, and the frustrations of the people around me, and just focusing on generating as much positivity as I can. Many would say I have my head in the sand because I don’t watch the news or voice my anger at circumstances over which I have no control. It’s not that I’m unaware of what’s going on around me. I simply choose not to allow it to control my behavior and attitude. I know the only thing I can truly control is how I respond to what happens around and to me.

We Can Be Part of the Problem, or Part of the Solution

I’ve decided I won’t fuel the beast who feeds on hate, cruelty, anger, and fight. There are more than enough people out there who satisfy the blood lust. Instead, I pick my battles. And right now, there really isn’t any reason for me to fight fire with fire. It’s been challenging at times, especially when those close to me are angry and unreasonable. It’s meant withdrawing into myself on more than one occasion, surrounding myself with light most of the time, and using that light to shield me from the worst emotions humans can exude. And when all else fails, I retreat into my personal cave for as many days as necessary until I can again coexist with a humanity who are often blinded to the blessings by their anger. They see only inequities the media, both commercial and social are shoving in our faces to keep us from seeing what’s really happening, what’s truly important at the end of the day.

Just as Dorothy unmasked the Wizard, I know I’m being subjected to a lot of smoke and mirrors right now. I can choose to rail against those who seek to pull the wool over my eyes, or I can accept that they are doing it, though I don’t always know where or what or who, and resolve to keep my eyes open, my hands and arms safely inside my vehicle. There may come a time when I will feel the need to take action, or it might just be that my peaceful refusal to be sucked into society’s giant circus will be enough. There is, after all, a time to fight for what you believe in, and a time to sit quietly, observe and catalogue everyone’s strengths and weaknesses. For now, I consider myself the Archivist.

The year just ended brought many opportunities to be angry, to hate, to cry, to shake our fists. Many people have chosen to do just that. But it also brought us an equal number of opportunities to learn, to listen, and to exercise compassion. Such is the path I’ve chosen to tread as this new year unfolds.

Finding My Purpose

Though I’m not one for religion, and I rarely quote scripture, I think this one from Ecclesiastes fits our time perfectly.

For everything there is a season, and a  time to every purpose under heaven.

I believe I’ve found my purpose. It came to me during a meditation, and I put it in both a Word document and a pdf because it seemed incredibly important.

My true purpose is to hold a sacred space of love, light, gratitude, and abundance.

For 2017 and beyond, I will honor this purpose in many ways; I’ll practice compassion, actively seek chances to perform random acts of kindness, and write about my experiences, observations, lessons, and challenges at every opportunity. I hope others might gain something from the way I’m choosing to accept my responsibility for both the world’s joys and ills, but whether or not it comes to pass, I will still write about my visions, feelings and experiences. As I’ve said before, if I touch but one life, one heart with my words, I’ve accomplished what I came here to do.

There Are Always Reasons to be Grateful

My gratitudes tonight are:

  1. I am grateful to have found my purpose.
  2. I am grateful for the lessons and challenges I’ve experienced and those yet to come.
  3. I am grateful for my writing. It continues to be my release, my therapist, my best means of self-expression, and my purpose.
  4. I am grateful for my ability to shield and draw upon the abundance of white and golden light. Only by using these skills am I able to leave the house and not become engulfed in grief, anger, and despair.
  5. I am grateful for abundance; lessons, challenges, opportunities, purpose,love, joy, friendship, dancing, writing, peace, harmony, prosperity, and philanthropy.

Write On

If you enjoyed reading this piece, I invite you to visit my Facebook pages, Sheri Levenstein-Conaway Author and HLWT Accounting. Please also check out my Hire Me Page. I’ve created these pages as a means of positive affirmation and would be very grateful if you’d “like” them or leave a comment! Thank you!

 

Photo courtesy of La Citta Vita via Flickr