Love Yourself Enough to Change

Change Your Mindset to Succeed

Do you ever find no matter how great your intentions might be, you consistently fall short, or even fail to meet the bare minimum? Perhaps it’s because something or someone distracts you. Maybe you get close, but don’t see enough progress so you give up too soon.

The worst case scenario is those ingrained fears deep inside that rear their ugly heads when change comes too close to manifesting. They’re comfortable in their snug, warm, boring beds, and rouse themselves only when it’s necessary to fight tooth and nail to maintain the status quo.

Maybe you’ve managed to push them aside a number of times in recent years over other things but there are one or two areas where they continue to hold firm against change. You’ve already learned charging the battlements isn’t the answer, as they’re so deeply entrenched, their resources seem unlimited. What if you could strengthen your own resources and resolve without actually challenging the fears and deep-seated beliefs head-on?

A Leap is Just a Start

Like you, I’m always looking for ways to improve myself, my life, and my space. Some efforts

have been successful, while others are an ongoing struggle. There are times, I’ve closed my eyes, taken a deep breath, and leapt off the ledge into the unknown where the landing was sometimes soft, but more often, rocky and bruising. Still, once I took the leap, there was nowhere to go but forward, and ultimately, the change I sought began to happen, and things turned out for the best, even if not as I’d hoped when I threw caution to the wind.

One thing I’ve learned is the leap is never the whole journey. It’s more of a jump-start than anything else giving me little choice but to proceed in a different direction. Often, the real challenge is keeping the momentum going after that first, gigantic leap so true change can occur.

Over the years, I’ve set a lot of intentions which have taken me so far, but no farther. Often, they leave me in a nowhere land between where I was, and where I dream of being. There’s no map or GPS to guide me. I’m left to my own devices with my world in a shambles, and too discouraged to move in any direction. I’m not worse off than before, but not much better either. The one up side is the rut I’d been in is well and truly gone.

Helping the Intentions

Recently, I discovered intentions aren’t enough to motivate, and spur me to action, much less manifest the change I desire. I need a reason to pick up what’s left of my resources, and begin moving forward again despite discouragement, pain, and frustration.

Self-sabotaging tendencies must be kicked to the curb even if, at the moment, I don’t understand what they are, where they came from, and most important, why they’re still hanging around.

Some things, like getting up earlier can be effected by setting a second alarm so it’s harder to ignore the call to action. Others, like eating healthier, and getting more exercise are harder to honor consistently. Sometimes, the heart needs reminders so it can more effectively shut down the naysayers in the brain and enable a change for the better. What works for me is affirmations, the most important of which remind me I’m loved, and I’m worthy.

Too often, past experiences, and stories you’re told by people who are supposed to love you are the hardest trouble-makers to exhume and cast out. For me, it was a few things expressed both in words and actions.

Recognizing the Demons Thwarting Success and Change

Growing up, my mom drilled into my head I was overweight, no matter how thin I was. Eventually, I decided I couldn’t change it, so I allowed myself to meet her expectations, much to the detriment of both my health and self-image. As I put on weight, my peers found me an easy target for mockery and abuse, further solidifying the pain. Ultimately, the excess weight became a shield I used to keep people from getting too close to the soft, sensitive part of me. I know now, my mother was inadvertently putting her own experiences with being too thin, and browbeaten by her own mother to gain weight on me.

In fact, many of my buried demons were essentially inherited from my mom. She lacked love from her parents and family, and unconsciously gave me what she’d gotten; emotional neglect, and unrealistic, insurmountable expectations. The day I unconsciously realized neither she nor my father could give me any more love than they knew how to give was, I believe, the day I gave up on myself.

I turned my path to one that would earn me a living, but not feed my own passions. I stopped worrying about eating right, or getting enough exercise. In fact, I took solace in food, believing erroneously it was the only place I felt happy and loved. As if a carton of Ben and Jerry’s cared a whit about me or my overall health! Such is the way the mind works when it likes the warm, soft nest it’s in. Looking back, every pound I put on made that nest a little softer, and my shield a little thicker.

Forming a Better Set of Beliefs

Understanding where the road blocks came from is the first step to clearing the way for better thing; for a better life. It’s only half the battle though. You still have to figure out how to dig them out, and send them too far away to ever bother you again. I’m still working that part out.

Granted, I’ve managed to weaken the belief I’m unlovable, and have been rewarded with a warm, supportive community who love me as I am, without judgement or expectation. It took me awhile to get used to it, and to be more comfortable reaching out to them for help and support. The rewards for doing so have made sustaining the new habits easier than I would have thought, thereby supporting each change I’ve made, and the ones still to come.

What I haven’t yet reconciled is loving myself enough to do things for my own good, and to forego the safe, heavily insulated place I’ve built with my own body. I still sit more than I should, and eat things in quantities, at times that aren’t in my best interests. But I have regularly scheduled times for exercise, start the day with a healthy, anti-inflammatory, low calorie breakfast, and log most of the food I eat. I also know there’s plenty of room for improvement in both areas, and the end result will be well worth the effort.

Now I need to convince the beliefs that have outlived their usefulness it’s time to vacate the premises and allow me to change, and reach the goals I’ve set, and recognize the healthy, fit, successful image I have in my mind.

It starts with the affirmation: “I am completely in love with me”.

 

About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a Holistic Ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income.

If you’d like to have her write for you, please visit her Hire Me page for more information. You can also find her on Facebook Sheri Levenstein-Conaway Author.

Be sure to watch this space for news of the upcoming releases of ” Rebuilding After Suicide” and “Sasha’s Journey”.