Know When to Stop and Indulge in Self-Care

When Lack of Self-Care Reaches Critical Mass

Not all days are productive, at least in the traditional sense. Some days you need to disconnect, shut down, devote yourself to self-care, and do what you’d normally deem “nothing”. But is it really nothing?

One Saturday night when I got home from a long day spent talking to my daughter, and a girl friend on the phone, dancing, and otherwise being around people in one way or another, I told myself Sunday would be a me day for pampering, and self-care in general. Unfortunately, after falling asleep on the couch, I bruised my cornea taking out my contacts when I failed to allow sufficient time for them to unstick from my eye.

I spent a rough night trying to sleep while my eye was watering and aching, finally getting up around 7 to get an ice pack. I woke again around 11:30 to discover one of the cats had left a very large puddle of pee on my bed, right underneath where I was sleeping. How I didn’t notice until after I got up, I don’t know.

I suspected it was Tiana who has been out of sorts since I pulled up the carpet she’d been using as a sandbox, and denied her access to the closet while I let vinegar soak into the floor. Once I was fully awake, I realized it was probably Mulan who I’d already caught peeing in inappropriate places. A recent trip to the vet determined it was behavioral, rather than health-related. I vowed to give her more attention to see if it solved her problem.

Make Time for Self-Care

As my day had already started off awry, I did what I needed to first, pulling all the bedding off the bed to be washed, and spraying urine remover on the mattress, even though it appeared her deposit hadn’t soaked further than the mattress pad (I wasn’t taking any chances on her repeating the maneuver).

By the time I showered off any residual, my eye had settled enough to attempt (successfully I might add) to insert my contacts and start a day that was, according to my normal routine, way behind schedule. As it was already after noon, I decided it was too late for my usual breakfast, and started my day with something less healthy than normal.

Sitting down at the computer with lunch and coffee, I debated writing my usual gratitude post on Facebook, and decided against it. A little while later, I closed Facebook entirely. It wasn’t that there was anything particularly bothersome on my news feed. I simply wasn’t in the mood for human contact; not even virtual. Needless to say, my daily “Live With Sheri and Friends” took a brief hiatus as well.

Your Energy Affects Those Around You

Even the cats seemed to sense my need for a little solitude and self-care. Ishtar, who is usually in my face most of the day, checked in, but went off to do something else, unusually quietly. I might have shared this odd, disconnected feeling with my friends on Facebook under normal circumstances, to see if there was some common thread.

Instead, I decided to put my thoughts in here, where they’ll show up a week after I’ve already felt, lived, and worked through this odd, energetic state. It seems to be extending outward to the point where I neither want, nor need feedback, or validation.

Life ebbs and flows, and your energy with it. I share this today, for future publication because I want you to know if and when you experience a day when you just don’t want to be touched in any way, there’s nothing wrong with you. In fact, you probably get overloaded all the time, but manage to work through it without having to indulge in drastic measures.

When drastic measures are required, it’s probably because you haven’t been working through it regularly like you should, and like a pressure cooker, you reach a point where you either need to let off steam gently, or blow your top entirely. By withdrawing into myself like I am, I’m preventing the inevitable explosion should things chug along as they have been.

Fill Up Your Empty Tank

What brought me to this state is anyone’s guess, just as you don’t always know how or why you’ve reached your own version of overload. When you do, it’s up to you to determine whether, like me, you need an entire day of disconnection from humanity, or simply a walk in nature, a bath, or a few hours of binge watching something mindless. You definitely know what activities (or inactivity for that matter) allows you to recharge. Self-care is often a personal affair.

Where you, me, and everyone else I know often fail is in identifying the overload before it reaches critical mass, and you spew emotions like hot lava over everyone and everything unfortunate enough to be in your path.

One of the key elements to self-care is knowing when you’re feeling overloaded or overwhelmed, and doing something to release the pressure before it’s forced on you. Nature and the Universe are more than happy to throw something in your path that’s impossible to ignore if you deny your own needs for too long. The trouble is, if they do, it will either mean you’re flat on your back, sick as a dog, or traumatized.

Know The Signs

If you look back over your life, you’ll find dozens, maybe hundreds of examples when you denied your own needs for too long, and had your hand forced. For me, it’s taken several forms:

• Daily migraines
• Strep throat
• Mom’s suicide
• Dad’s suicide
• A divorce that dragged on for 3+ years
• Layoffs from jobs

Not to mention, numerous smaller catastrophes which forced me to give my attention to myself in one way or another. I didn’t always listen until things became completely untenable. It took me 16 years after my mom’s suicide to finally open up and start letting people see the broken parts of me instead of my masks of false perfection.

Only when my daughter was getting on with her life, and I faced a dark road completely alone did the cracks in my facade get big enough for me to indulge in a demolition process that gave me a freedom I didn’t believe I deserved. I only knew I couldn’t, and wouldn’t keep living as I was.

Avoiding Overly Drastic Measures

The only thing that kept me from giving up entirely, and following in my parents’ footsteps was concern for my daughters, and my cats. I couldn’t bring myself to leave my daughters as my parents had left me, and I owed my cats a stable life, because that was the promise I’d made each time I adopted another one.

After several years of self-inflicted upheaval, I learned a lot about myself, not the least of which was I wanted, and needed to live out my purpose, or purposes. I needed to make a success of my business, and my personal life. I needed to break family patterns, and connect with people on a level my parents never dreamed existed.

Honor Your Own Needs First

Making all that happen meant connecting with myself deeply enough to honor my own needs. Whether it’s a need for community, or time to go inside and connect with myself for a little while, I’ve learned the importance of paying attention to all the signs. It might be angel numbers, or the feeling of energy rippling across my skin. It might be excessive sensitivity, or feeling unwell physically.

Often, it’s something I can’t even put a name to. I just know I need to do something about it, and the what makes itself known in something as simple as what I feel like doing with my day.

On the day of this writing, I choose to disconnect, and as I type the last words of this post, I know it’s exactly what I need right now.

Honor those feelings you have, especially the ones that feel off. There’s nothing wrong with you a little self-care, and time off from your regular routine won’t cure. You deserve that time, and more, you need to honor the signs before they become ugly and painful.

 

About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a Holistic Ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income.

If you’d like to have her write for you, please visit her Hire Me page for more information. You can also find her on Facebook Sheri Levenstein-Conaway Author.

Be sure to watch this space for news of the upcoming releases of ” Rebuilding After Suicide” and “Sasha’s Journey”.