Want a Better Life? Build Relationships.
I’m always open to learning how better to promote my business and attract clients, but without being one of those in-box filling, sales pitch-y, obnoxious types. I won’t buy anything from people like that, so I certainly don’t want to be them! The most important lesson I’ve learned so far is that building a business and a following boils down to creating relationships.
Sounds pretty simple on the surface, right? But where do you start? Who do you emulate? What do you do after you say hello? How do you even find people you want to spend more than 5 minutes with? In other words where do you find those who share your values, and share your desire to connect?
I’ve learned there are almost as many theories as there are coaches. None of them are right or wrong, essentially. It really boils down to what kind of a network you want to build.
If you’re the hard-driving, get in their face, beat them into submission type, you’re going to follow people who have become successful using that technique. If you’re the touchy-feely, gentle breeze type, there are those who can help you with that.
Finding My Own Happy Medium
I’m somewhere in the middle with a heavy dose of introversion, and a huge aversion to the hard 
sell. If you’d asked me even six months ago whether I could build a network with my qualities and preferences, I’d have probably mumbled something innocuous and changed the subject. Lately, I’m seeing how seeds I planted six months or even a couple of years ago are starting to grow and establish themselves. I’ve pulled some of the weeds and allowed my little saplings to grow where they’re nurtured by others who share their love of simplicity.
I’m learning I’m attracted to those who are happiest when surrounded by nature and animals. We venture out into the world when and where we want, interacting with some people, and avoiding others. We share our knowledge, and lift others up, cheering their successes, and commiserating with them when they trip and fall, giving them support while they lick their wounds and absorb the lessons.
Attracting Is Not a Quick Fix
The process that suits me isn’t a quick one. You have to be willing to wait patiently, and put forth effort even when it appears that nothing is happening. Essentially, you lay a firm foundation, then put your structure together board by board. Sometimes, you put up a wall, only to have it tumble down, or worse, discover it’s in the wrong place. So you tear down and begin again.
It’s not that I’ve gone into things completely haphazardly with no idea where I’m going. It’s more that the further I go and the more I learn, the more I’m fine-tuning my plan, and that means letting go of some things and replacing them with others. So the lighter I hold to the picture in my head of where I want to go, the easier it is to adapt to new information and change my course when I need to.
If You’re in Alignment, You and Your Business Attract Who You Need
I’ve learned how we see business relationships really isn’t far from how we see personal ones, 
and often, they’re one and the same. Until I figured that out, I was stuck in neutral. I wasn’t developing new relationships, and often, I was stuck in an old, tired process; one which established connections, only to find they were a poor fit. I spent more time jettisoning what I’d attached myself to, and less time actually creating sustainable relationships based on a healthy give and take.
Recently I read a quote that made me cringe. It said something to the effect of “if your friends aren’t buying your product or services, you need different friends.”
Seriously??? You’re supposed to base your social circle on who will buy from you? If you ask me, that’s both ludicrous and short-sighted. It completely ignores the theory of six degrees of separation, if nothing else.
Your Social Circle is the Ultimate Network
You may never sell anything to your social circle, but they connect you to thousands of others who might just be a good fit. Your friends usually know what you do, and though they aren’t actively promoting you, will certainly think of you if someone asks about the services or products you offer. And they’ll speak highly of you because they know, like and trust you as a person.
I don’t know about you, but if someone is looking for a recommendation, I’ll look to my social circle before I’ll search elsewhere. I know I can safely recommend my friends knowing they’ll deliver the best possible service, though I myself may never need what they sell, any more than they need what I sell.
I have friends who provide pool service. I don’t have a pool. I have friends who train dogs. I don’t own a dog. Some are accountants. I can do that myself. Others are lawyers. Thankfully, I don’t need one at the moment.
Do you see where I’m going? By the same token, no one in my social circle needs a ghostwriter or accountant at the moment. But they may run into someone who does. If my only criteria for friendship was that they offered a high probability of being a client, I’d have no friends at all right now, and I’d shoot myself in the foot by wiping out a potentially powerful referral network. I believe there’s a lot bubbling beneath the surface and all I have to do is nurture the friendships I love anyway without expectations or qualifications.
Choosing Friends with No Agenda
You might be asking: “what if you never get a referral from your friends?” And I’ll answer: “So 
what? They’re my friends. It’s not their job to get me work. If I can help them out somewhere, I will, no strings attached, and definitely no expectation of anything in return.”
One of my favorite lessons has been that willingness to help others without expecting anything in return. That doesn’t mean letting someone take advantage of me. If I feel like someone is asking me to provide something for nothing, and that it will lead to more such expectations, believe me, I’ll politely decline. I’d expect someone else to do the same if I was needy and greedy.
Above all, my attitude has shifted a lot lately. I approach my relationships with a “what can I do for you” attitude, yes. But I’m also cautious of those who want just a few quick words, or just 5 minutes of my time, or free advice again and again, but never offer so much as a word of encouragement, or a suggestion when I ask for input. I’ve had enough one-sided relationships in my lifetime, and know when to recognize even the subtlest of red flags.
The people in my life, in all aspects, are in it for the long haul. I’ve learned that’s how it should be.
About the Author
Sheri Conaway is a writer, blogger, ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri 
believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income. If you’d like to have her write for you, please visit her Hire Me page for more information. You can also find her on Facebook Sheri Levenstein-Conaway Author. And check out her new group, Putting Your Whole Heart Forward.
Be sure to watch this space for news of the upcoming release of ” Rebuilding After Suicide”.
