Reviewing Old Expectations and Bringing in the New
Lately, my writing has been going so well, I realized I was on track to have all blog posts for 2020 written and scheduled by August 31st!, both meeting and beating all expectations. At first, I found the idea exciting, and even worth striving for, until I took a few steps back to look at the implications.
Up to now, I’ve prided myself on writing posts that are both relevant and relatable. To do so means writing things that align with what’s going on in the outside world. By writing something that won’t publish for months, I lose the relevance, as I have no way of predicting what will be important to me four or five months from now, much less, my readers. I had to ask myself: Why am I so fired up about writing that far ahead?
As often happens, the answer was the least complicated, and most obvious: procrastination. If I’m spending all my writing time trying to get further ahead on my blogs, I’m not meeting expectations for working on the latest rewrite of Rebuilding After Suicide. Since I’ve set myself a new schedule for the task, it would mean I’d end up playing a crazy game of catch-up after August in order to get back on what is already a fairly conservative schedule. If nothing else, rushing to catch up would negatively affect the quality of the rewrite.
Exceeding Goals Isn’t Always in Your Best Interests
Needless to say, I realized trying to get all my blog posts for 2020 done too early was wrong on
several levels. Being one month ahead, given how quickly things are changing these days is quite sufficient, and in fact, admirable. At this point, I can get away with writing only three posts a week, and stay on schedule, leaving me ample time to work on my memoir, even given the state of my house and yard, and the attention I need to give them.
I owe it to myself and to the people who will eventually buy my memoir (thinking positive here) to give the rewrite my full attention, and refrain from cutting corners or flying past some sections in the interest of time. The re-write is also an opportunity for me to go back over what I’ve written in the last 10 years, and do some more healing.
As that’s what the book is about, it behooves me to walk my own talk. After all, healing isn’t a straight line, but rather a spiral where we release some things right away, and have others come back over and over until we’re ready to take the lesson and release the pain.
Healing Through Revisiting
Re-reading thoughts and feelings brings some of that pain back to the surface, and the experience isn’t always pleasant. It also gives me an opportunity to look at the experience through clearer, more compassionate eyes because I have released a lot of the pain. In so doing, I believe I can imbue an added dimension into my writing I wasn’t even aware I had in the first, or even the third version.
Healing from my parents’ suicides involves far more than getting past two distinct and quantifiable events. In many ways, their suicides were the culmination of a lifetime of dysfunctional behavior, not only for them, but for me. Those events, though stuffed down for several more years, gave me a unique opportunity to revisit my own feelings and actions, and to understand why I spent so much time self-sabotaging.
Looking back, I’ve learned so much about not only myself, but about human nature, and family patterns that are long overdue to be broken. In fact, there have been many aha moments in the last few years, especially since I completed the first draft. I’m now able to not only look more closely at what led to my own behavior, but to start connecting the dots from early childhood to the way I parented my own children. In some ways, it was actually a good thing I tried desperately to be different from my own mom, just as my daughter Jenni now strives to do with me.
Sharing in Order to Grow
Instinctively, I knew there was something wrong with things I was taught from the cradle, but 
had no idea what they were or even how to exhume them. Part of learning how has required opening up and talking to other people, not only about family suicide, but family patterns which hindered their own emotional growth. More people share some of the same ideas I now realize were harmful than I’d have realized had I not started writing and talking about it.
The funny thing about opening up about past trauma is I’ve attracted others who suffered similar trauma, or dysfunctional ideas about giving and receiving love. I’ve learned I’m not alone in being taught to keep everything in and, to use a timeworn cliche: “Never let ’em see you sweat”.
I see a lot of people extolling the virtues of hard work and a single-minded focus on the “prize” as a means to success. My own experience has proven it takes more to truly live a full life. Yes, material success can be nice, and certainly allows you the freedom to do many things, and even do some good for others. What it doesn’t do is give you connection, compassion, or community. I’ve also seen too many successful people go off the deep end, or need to do things that offer an adrenaline rush just so they can feel something—anything.
No One Is An Expert At Everything
I’m learning true success comes from allowing others to contribute—to help you reach those ambitious goals, but also to help stay there. It’s all well and fine to reach the mountain top, but you’re not going to stay there long without support. Not only do you need some down time to recharge, but there will always be someone behind you trying to take the top spot away. Nothing replaces a strong, supportive, committed team to keep you at your best on all levels.
It took me decades to shed my early conditioning and learn to not only accept help, but trust others to do what I’d grown accustomed to doing myself. Imagine my surprise when I found out more often than not that others could do a lot of those things better and more efficiently than I could. The biggest bonus of all has been the amount of time I now get to do what I love instead of slogging through all the things I either let go, or slogged through myself, only to discover that either choice left me in a worse place overall.
Accepting help, and talking to others about my challenges and concerns has given me the ability to re-evaluate what I’m doing, my big Why, and where my time and effort are best directed. They make me see when I’m self-sabotaging again, and help me understand the underlying cause so I can make course corrections before I wander too far astray and have a long, hard road to slog through before I get back on track. I’ve finally reached a point in my life where I sacrifice my dreams for no one—least of all, myself.
About the Author
Sheri Conaway is a Holistic Ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri 
believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income.
If you’d like to have her write for you, please visit her Hire Me page for more information. You can also find her on Facebook Sheri Levenstein-Conaway Author. And check out her new group, Putting Your Whole Heart Forward.
Be sure to watch this space for news of the upcoming releases of ” Rebuilding After Suicide” and “Sasha’s Journey”.
