Life is Mine to Create
I’m an entrepreneur, or perhaps the more accurate term would be solopreneur, and life is good. I have no staff, answer to no boss but myself, and best of all, don’t keep regular hours. There are days I’ll write for 8 hours or more, and others when I won’t write a word, unless you count my morning pages. Weeks when I’ll write 5 days out of 7, and others when I’ll be lucky to get in 2. Ultimately, I am on top of my schedule even if there are times I get behind for a bit. I’ve learned to stop stressing about it. In the first place, doing so puts me further behind, and in the second, I’ve learned I’ll have bouts of rampant creativity where the words flow so fast, only my lightening fast typing speed is able to keep up and get all the words my mind churns out onto the page.
This isn’t a life I created intentionally, at least not at first. It started as an idea. I knew I loved to write, and that it was truly my happy place. But I’d never actually set myself goals to accomplish a given amount in a set space of time. Then I did my first NaNoWriMo. 50,000 words in a month. I was certain I couldn’t do it. My daughter laughed in my face. For the record, she got the last laugh, then, and twice more so far.
Eventually I set more goals. At first they were small. Two blog posts a week. Often, I wrote and posted them on the same day. Two became three, and I started scheduling them a week in advance. Which brings me to today when I’m typically scheduled four weeks ahead. It didn’t happen all at once. Like everything else I do, I had to ease myself into it. One week became two, then I held steady at three for months. Finally, I conquered my final goal of four weeks, and for a brief moment, considered increasing it further. But sanity crept in and I realized I’d actually lose more than I’d gain by getting that far ahead.
Reaching Higher and Higher
Besides, I had three NaNo’s, a memoir, and a children’s book that were sadly in need of rewriting. I learned how to schedule tasks from my previous life as an accountant, and the skill didn’t fail me once I decided to engage it. I created schedules for rewrites and postings. (Sasha’s Journey is available in it’s entirety and latest, though not last iteration on ChapterBuzz). Rebuilding After Suicide is in what I’ve deemed to be the final rewrite. I took it apart, creating files for each chapter so I can ultimately rearrange it when I’ve finished rewriting.
I’ve learned to break my goals down into smaller chunks, just as I’ve broken Rebuilding After Suicide into individual chapters. Without even realizing it, I started creating plans to ultimately achieve my enormous, and often scary life goals. I’ve started taking steps to make those goals a reality at some point in the as yet unforeseeable future.
In the meantime, I’m practicing. Not just writing. I’m practicing engaging with my audience. I’m practicing talking about my business with confidence. I’m practicing being a real, honest-to-goodness business person. And I’m learning running a business is just another piece of living a full and complete life in which you’re always striving to do better, and always learning new things.
Continually Learning
In the process, I’ve made connections, joined groups, left groups, and made decisions about not
only what I will or won’t talk about, but what I will or won’t listen too. The world is full of noise, and I allowed the noise to drown out what was important for far too long. I took longer to break my goals down into manageable pieces, or to even recognize they could be broken down.
I also learned a valuable lesson. You get where you need to go when the time is right. If you try to get there before you’re ready, you won’t be able to sustain it because you failed to take the steps that would give you the tools you needed to stand on the mountaintop without falling, and look at the next one with enough confidence to at least take the first step. If you haven’t conquered the fears and insecurities by the time you reach the top of that first mountain, they’ll send you rolling back down to the bottom before you even realize it’s happening.
What are those fears and insecurities for someone like me? Let me give you just a few:
- Imposter syndrome
- Self-criticism
- Overanalysis
- Fear of failure
- Fear of success
- Lack of self-confidence
There are dozens more, but these are the ones that stopped me in my tracks for a long time. For as long as I allowed them to, anyway. I had to write hundreds of thousands of words, and more, start believing the comments I was getting about those words before I finally started believing in myself enough to stop listening to the reasons why I couldn’t succeed as a writer, and start responding with “Why not?”
Keeping Self-Criticism to a Minimum
Are there still times I’ll look at something I’ve written and ask: “Whatever where you thinking when you wrote that piece of drek?” Sure. But lately, there are more times I’ll read something I wrote a month or more ago and think: “Holy cow! I wrote that? Really? That’s actually kind of impressive. Even profound!”
I’ve learned my voice is as powerful as anyone’s, and I am as worth being heard as the most listened-to influencers around. My voice might be a whisper in the dark compared to some, but every single one of them whispered before they could shout, and I can too. Whether it’s life experiences I share, lessons I’ve learned, or stories I tell, step by step, I’m gaining the confidence to see them through to their ultimate conclusion, and publication.
There were many missteps along the way, but that’s how learning works. There were times I made it about money, trying to force my round self into a square hole. It never worked, and my writing suffered until I got off that train to nowhere. Now, I write for me, from the heart, and have learned to do the same for my clients. I’m not cut out to tell stories that lead to a barely related sales pitch, but there are plenty who are, and do a much better job of it than I ever could. Why try to compete on a less-than-level playing field?
I’ve learned my strength lies in drawing out those raw emotions; that passion that makes people climb treacherous mountains for what they believe in. In some ways, it’s a harder road to follow, but for me, it’s the only one I can tread and be true to myself.
About the Author
Sheri Conaway is a Holistic Ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri 
believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income.
If you’d like to have her write for you, please visit her Hire Me page for more information. You can also find her on Facebook Sheri Levenstein-Conaway Author. And check out her new group, Putting Your Whole Heart Forward.
Be sure to watch this space for news of the upcoming releases of ” Rebuilding After Suicide” and “Sasha’s Journey”.
