Allowing Control to Take a Back Seat
Somewhere in your life, you got the idea you had to control everything. You’ve spent years making yourself crazy in a fruitless effort to do what amounts to herding cats. Every time you thought you had your life buttoned down into a neat little package, one of the little furballs escaped and caused all sorts of havoc.
You might have thought they undid your work, but in truth, you were never in control of every aspect. Why? Because you can only control your own actions, reactions, and responses, and it’s unlikely you live in a place where you’re untouched by anyone or anything else in the world. Real control begins by allowing.
Over the years, through my own failed attempts to manage the entirety of my life, and everyone in it, I’ve learned a few hard, painful lessons.
- I’m only the boss of myself
- What others think of me is none of my business
- Control is vastly overrated
- Whenever you think you’re in control, you’re certain to get your feet knocked out from under you
- Until you learn to stop trying to control everyone and everything, you’ll continue to get knocked down, beaten up, and overwhelmed
In short, the surest way to gain control over your own trajectory is to stop trying to control, and begin allowing. I realize that sounds counterintuitive on many levels. Why would letting go of the rudder, and allowing yourself to drift give you control over your life?
Letting Go of Outdated Beliefs
The truth is, many of us were taught from birth to fight the current, trying to force your way upstream through rock-filled rapids waiting to impale the raft of any traveler who’s attention wanders for even a nanosecond. As no life is without distractions and obstacles, the odds of you hitting the rocks increases the longer you try to paddle upstream.
Though those same rapids might still be part of the landscape further downstream, allowing the river to carry you allows you to take in the scenery, and let your attention wander. The river knows the safe route through the rocks, if you let go and allow it to guide you. Best of all, you can save both your energy and attention, not only for enjoying the scenery, but for spotting opportunities. Have you ever tried to open your heart and mind to something new when you’re embroiled in a battle for survival just to gain another foot in your journey upstream?
Like you, I was taught I had to work hard, fight against anyone or anything that tried to cubbyhole me, or halt my forward progress, and overcome every obstacle in my path single-handedly. At no point, was I supposed to step away from the constant battle, allowing myself to rest, recharge, and maybe even accept help from someone else. In the end, I was burnt out, exhausted, and disillusioned. But I’d also learned life didn’t have to be that hard, and that taking a step back to reassess was strategy, not retreat.
Working Smarter, Not Harder
Along the way, I learned it was better to work smarter than harder, and it’s OK to honor your own ebbs and flows. There are times you’ll be operating on all 8 cylinders, burning through projects like an out-of-control wildfire, and blazing like a comet through ideas and opportunities. There are also times when it takes everything you’ve got just to get out of bed. It starts by allowing yourself to be wherever you are on your own journey.
Like a comet, you will eventually burn out if you don’t take time to refuel and regroup. You’ll also miss the side roads that come up along the way, and may lead to something better and brighter, if you took the time to pause, and see how they might unfold. Few, if any great discoveries, or innovations are found by following a straight and narrow path. You have to be willing to consider a few unlikely possibilities rather than sticking to a preconceived notion of the outcome you desire.
Heaven knows, when I first stepped into my career as an accountant, I never considered taking a hard left turn to spend my days writing instead of computing profit, loss, and ROI. I certainly never saw myself sitting at my desk with my cats taking turns lounging in front of the monitors, or breaking early to take a ballet class on Zoom. But here I am, and I’ve never been happier or more relaxed.
Love What You’re Doing, or Let Go
Granted, I stayed in a world I grew to hate longer than I should have because I believed I had to make a living, and accounting gave me a decent living. Or so I thought. What it gave me was enough money to live, but it killed my incentive to make a life. Benefits and a regular paycheck are common incentives for sticking with a job. They often blind you to how your soul is suffering, and how little you’re truly giving the people you care about.
When you’re fighting with yourself to go into an office every day, and do work that tears you down rather than building you up, you’re pouring from an empty vessel. You don’t have enough to give yourself, much less, anyone else. Yet millions of people slog through every day, believing in their hearts they’re doing the right thing, when nothing could be further from the truth.
Admittedly, not everyone has the luxury of leaving a steady paycheck and benefits to follow their heart, and allow rather than fight. As long as I had children to raise, I couldn’t take that leap myself, or at least, I believed I couldn’t. If the last few years are any indication, I had a lot of growing and learning to do before I could make it on my own. I’ve been more fortunate than many as opportunities have arisen to help me continue finding my true path without having to stress out over paying the bills, feeding the cats, and keeping a roof over my head.
Allowing is a Lifelong Lesson
The Tower-Spiral Tarot
Still, I wish I’d learned I didn’t have to fight the system I was in at the time. Had I learned to stop trying to control people, circumstances, and situations, I’d have likely not grown to hate what I was doing, and where I was doing it. I do believe, however, that things happen for a reason. Had I not grown to hate it, I’d have never made the leap, and I believe the leap I made was a necessary part of my own evolution.
Sometimes, you get so stuck in your ways, only a major upheaval will shake you loose; wake you up to other possibilities. I have let go of a lot of things in the past 8 years, and moved on to many new ones. For me, it took a complete change of life and lifestyle because so much of what I was, and believed were embedded in bedrock. Only an 8.5 earthquake was going to free me, and even than, I had to accept the challenge of digging my way to the surface. By accepting the challenge, I also let go of a boatload of misconceptions to accept a lesson I’d fought tooth and nail for too long; asking for help.
Only by both asking for, and allowing people to help did my path become less treacherous and forbidding. While some obstacles remained for me to master myself, others moved out of the way, or a path was revealed that took me around the obstacle instead of through it.
Life may have gotten a little easier but it’s no less challenging since I learned to allow myself to go with the flow instead of fighting the current. I still have lessons to learn, obstacles to overcome, and new paths to forge. The difference is, I’m doing it all for myself; for my own growth, and not for anyone else. I’m no longer a cog in a wheel whose purpose I’m not meant to understand, and I no longer travel my path alone. Removing those clouds will always be the greatest gift I ever gave myself.
About the Author
Sheri Conaway is a Holistic Ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income.
If you’d like to have her write for you, please visit her Hire Me page for more information. You can also find her on Facebook Sheri Levenstein-Conaway Author.
Be sure to watch this space for news of the upcoming releases of ” Rebuilding After Suicide” and “Sasha’s Journey”.
