You’re An Expert at Something
These days, there are many ways to build a following. One of those is by establishing yourself as an expert in your field. Although it sounds intimidating and even a little off-putting, it’s not as onerous as you might think.
We are all experts in something, especially if we’ve been on earth for a few decades. Whether we’ve been running a household, or a corporation, been a cog in someone else’s wheel, navigated a few traumas or tragedies, we’ve gained valuable experience along the way. More than likely, we’ve tried a few things that failed. Our failures teach us something about what would work in the future.
More Than One Way to Build a Following
Someone out there needs what you’ve learned to smooth their path a bit.
There are endless blogs and books these days geared towards helping moms with the many challenges of raising kids. Whether it’s managing a full-time job and single parenting, keeping your house clean with a horde of wild animals commonly known as offspring, juggling a side gig along with your J.O.B., launching that side gig, or dealing with aging parents. Someone has been there and written about it.
Others speak at great length about their experience with abuse, or living in a cult, or, as in my case, losing someone to suicide. I’m learning the more I put myself out there, talking, writing, listening, the more people I find who could benefit from what I learned the hard way—if only to make their own way a little less difficult.
Coming Out of Our Shell
The biggest problem for writers is many of us our introverted hermits, happy to pound away on 
our keyboards in the quiet sanctity of our own homes. Even if we’re writing regular blogs, we have to know and honor the rules which allow people to find us; rules which are constantly changing.
My coach kept after me to create blurbs and set up a schedule for posting those blurbs in various groups on Facebook and LinkedIn. I found myself resisting, procrastinating, misunderstanding, and otherwise not achieving that goal week after week. I finally had to face the fact that my resistance was based less on fear than on distaste. I felt slimy and sales-y posting blurbs anywhere and everywhere with a barely veiled message asking for engagement.
Yet when someone suggested I look for speaking engagements, I jumped on the idea like fruit flies on a fallen peach. Friends who are, in one way or another connected to organizations serving people with mental illness, drug problems, or suicidal issues were quick to offer suggestions about places which bring in speakers.
Getting the Word Out Wherever I Can
At this point, I’m not even looking at paid speaking gigs. I simply want to talk to people about what I’ve learned, and establish myself as an expert on healing from family suicide. To that end, I have a perfect practice stage already established, though neglected for the last couple of months; my Facebook Lives, or as I’ve come to call them: “Live With Sheri and Friends”.
Over the next few weeks, I’ll be working on presentations and trying them out on my Facebook Live through my Sheri Levenstein-Conaway author page. I know I’m not one for prepared speeches, so I’ll be speaking from notes, and need to smooth out my rough edges, my tendency to stumble over words, and to speak too fast when I’m nervous (though that nervousness will likely be tamed while in the comfort of my own home, talking to my own face). But I’ll have the opportunity to work on what I’ll say beyond: “Hello, my name is Sheri and I’m a suicide survivor”.
Finding Inspiration in the Work of Others
I’m also starting to read the work of others to help me fine tune the points I need to make. I’ve just started reading Touched by Suicide by Michael F. Myers, M.D. and Carla Fine. Though the point of view and tone are quite different, I’m finding much of the guidance they offer and experiences they recount mirror my own. They’re also leading me to other books on the subject to further my research.
I’m discovering what I already suspected and in fact, have been writing to. Many of the thoughts, feelings, and experiences of people who’ve lost someone to suicide are achingly similar. Even others who had a contentious relationship with the deceased as I did with my mother go through many of the feelings and thoughts I have. This tells me recounting my own experiences both orally and in print will be a valuable resource to someone out there. It’s the kick in the butt I need to stop vacillating over my publishing options, the costs, the pieces, and just get my book into print as soon as humanly possible.
It tells me I need to be standing up in front of people and telling my story; sharing my struggles and even some of the pain. Other people need to hear it, just as I did years ago, but never did. Others need to hear that you’ll constantly revisit aspects of your relationship with the one who chose suicide. You’ll always have unresolved issues which you can only manage by forgiving yourself and your loved one. And you don’t get over a suicide. You only learn to accept, forgive, and feel compassion for someone who believed it was the only way to stop their pain.
Improving Our Understanding of Suicide and Mental Health
Suicide awareness ebbs and flows, depending on whether someone in the public eye has recently chosen to take their life. When they do, everyone is saying the word and talking about how sad it is—for maybe a month or two before going back to their suicide-free lives.
Yet, with increasing incidences world-wide, I believe almost everyone will be touched by suicide at some point in their lives. It might be someone close, or it could just be a classmate, or a friend who’s lost someone to suicide, or someone in the public eye like Robin Williams, Kate Spade or Anthony Bourdain.
It might be a veiled allusion via the latest Cigna ads which encourage people to talk to their doctors about not only physical issues, but emotional and mental ones as well. Still, the stigma surrounding not only suicide but mental health in general remains. It is for those of us who have lived with the stigma; dealt with our own healing to speak out whenever and wherever we can. And for people like me who actually put their experience down in a book, to get the resources out there, and make sure those who need them know they’re available.
Building a Following for All the Right Reasons
In short, creating a following is different for each of us, but for me, I feel it’s more than simply a means to sell my books. It’s my responsibility to reach as many suicide survivors as I can in hopes I can help some of them avoid the 16 years of misery, self-loathing, and isolation I experienced.
About The Author
Sheri Conaway is a writer, blogger, ghostwriter, and advocate for cats. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, 
but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income. If you’d like to have her write for you, please visit her Hire Me page for more information. You can also find her on Facebook Sheri Levenstein-Conaway Author. And check out her new group, Putting Your Whole Heart Forward.
Be sure to watch this space for news of the upcoming release of “Life Torn Asunder: Rebuilding After Suicide”.
