The Best of Humanity Rises To the Top in a Crisis
Time and time again I’ve seen how disasters and tragedies bring out the best human qualities. People put themselves out for strangers. Whether it’s sending supplies and support to an island devastated by storms, comforting family members who are waiting for word of a loved one who may or may not have survived a plane crash, a terrorist attack, a fire…you name it, there are plenty of people who don’t hesitate to jump in where they see a need.
This week was a rough one for many of us as news of not one but two celebrity suicides spread as fast as only Social Media can spread a story. Some knew or were close to the people whose lives came to an abrupt end, but most of us were affected on a different level.
For anyone who has suffered from depression or lived with a family member who did, the deaths were a grim reminder of what is possible and happens all to frequently. For those who have lost someone to suicide, we were reminded that no matter how many years pass, each new suicide we hear about melts away the years and brings old feelings back to the surface to be examined and put to rest one more time. And those who may have contemplated or attempted suicide themselves: I won’t even attempt to guess what went through their minds this week.
The Leaders Who Walk Their Talk, Supporting Their Tribes
But my story today isn’t about the suffering, but the outpouring of support which, for once, makes me proud to be a Human.
Over the last couple of years, I’ve joined a lot of groups on Facebook, looking for my Tribe. Some I’ve left after just a visit or two, some I hung around, though spent very little time in. But there are a few where I believed I’d found like-minded people. I don’t visit every group on a regular basis. Some, maybe only every few weeks. It really depends what’s going on, and what kind of support I need or need to give.
This week, several of them proved they go above and beyond to support their members. These groups proved they were not only great at what they were set up to do, but when some of their members were struggling with those highly stigmatized issues of suicide and mental health, nothing but compassion came from every direction. That says a great deal for the people who organized those groups because the people they attract and keep are a direct reflection on the kind of people they are. So without further ado, here are the people and their groups who filled my heart with warmth this week:
#GorillaArmyNation
Landon and Ash Porter’s #GorillaArmyNation aka Getting Clients Without Being Salesy. I talk a lot about rawness. These folks are as raw as it gets, but also as genuine. The language can get a bit salty at times but there’s no doubt that Landon, the head gorilla as it were, speaks from the heart. Of course, if you want your truth sugar coated, you might want to look elsewhere. I, for one like the direct approach just fine.
#HeartfeltMovement
Jessa Hargrove, Linda Clay, and Wendy Elizabeth are three of the 12 founding members of the 
#HeartfeltMovement. Jessa is the visionary who developed the original idea, but all of them are completely on board a movement meant to help those who truly need help empowering, marketing, and turning their own ideas into reality. Though I’ve not yet had the opportunity to interact with the other 9 #Heartfelt ladies, they all follow the lead of Jessa, their founder in promoting the idea of support without judgement or the typical high price tag.
#StepIntoTheSpotlight
Last but certainly not least is Vanessa Talbot of Coaches, Experts, Change Makers Step into the Spotlight. Vanessa is an absolute genius at helping people build visibility via Facebook. But her true genius lies in her compassion for both people and animals.
We Each Have it in Us to Be Extraordinary
Each of the people I mention are so extraordinary their members feel comfortable being themselves even to the point of sharing their vulnerabilities. You don’t find that in very many places these days. Too many still believe showing vulnerability is equal to weakness. I can assure you, I am coming to know a large cross-section of society who show some vulnerability but are anything but weak. If you don’t believe me, cross one of them, or misuse someone they care about. They’ll show you just how weak they aren’t.
All of this is really a lead up to what happened on my own pages this week. People posted the most beautiful messages, shared and commented on my posts, and showed compassion for each other whether or not they knew someone. My Author page alone saw more activity and interaction than it ever has before. Some offered support, resources, suggestions. The ones who truly took my breath away though are the ones who admitted they were subject to periods of depression when the last thing they’d do would be to reach out and ask for help.
The Extraordinary People Who Read, Watched, Shared, and Commented
To some of you, such an admission might not seem like much, but for those of us who aren’t inclined to ask for help, who, in fact, might believe at least some of the time that we don’t deserve it, to admit there are times we do need help is huge. And for those people to come forward on my page tells me I, too am on the right path towards creating a safe place where people can be themselves. I am honored, humbled, and incredibly blessed.
At this point, I want to share a story which I found and shared myself. It is an incredibly vivid and insightful look at what goes on in the mind of someone who is severely depressed. It also reminds us to be more aware of those around us and offer a hand, an ear, a shoulder because no request for help will be forthcoming. I only wish I knew who the author was as I’d love to give them a huge hug.
For Those Who Can’t Reach Out
A friend shared this with me this week. The person who originally shared it asked that we copy, paste, and share it. It’s so well-written, and gives suicide from the perspective of someone in the depths of depression, I am passing it along. Please pay special attention to the call to action at the end. We are the solution.
Now Anthony Bourdain
(Anonymous)
When you have depression it’s like it snows every day.
Some days it’s only a couple of inches. It’s a pain in the ass, but you still make it to work, the grocery store. Sure, maybe you skip the gym or your friend’s birthday party, but it IS still snowing and who knows how bad it might get tonight. Probably better to just head home. Your friend notices, but probably just thinks you are flaky now, or kind of an asshole.
Some days it snows a foot. You spend an hour shoveling out your driveway and are late to work. Your back and hands hurt from shoveling. You leave early because it’s really coming down out there. Your boss notices.
Some days it snows four feet. You shovel all morning but your street never gets plowed. You are not making it to work, or anywhere else for that matter. You are so sore and tired you just get back in the bed. By the time you wake up, all your shoveling has filled back in with snow. Looks like your phone rang; people are wondering where you are. You don’t feel like calling them back, too tired from all the shoveling. Plus they don’t get this much snow at their house so they don’t understand why you’re still stuck at home. They just think you’re lazy or weak, although they rarely come out and say it.
Some weeks it’s a full-blown blizzard. When you open your door, it’s to a wall of snow. The power flickers, then goes out. It’s too cold to sit in the living room anymore, so you get back into bed with all your clothes on. The stove and microwave won’t work so you eat a cold Pop Tart and call that dinner. You haven’t taken a shower in three days, but how could you at this point? You’re too cold to do anything except sleep.
Sometimes people get snowed in for the winter. The cold seeps in. No communication in or out. The food runs out. What can you even do, tunnel out of a forty foot snow bank with your hands? How far away is help? Can you even get there in a blizzard? If you do, can they even help you at this point? Maybe it’s death to stay here, but it’s death to go out there too.
The thing is, when it snows all the time, you get worn all the way down. You get tired of being cold. You get tired of hurting all the time from shoveling, but if you don’t shovel on the light days, it builds up to something unmanageable on the heavy days. You resent the hell out of the snow, but it doesn’t care, it’s just a blind chemistry, an act of nature. It carries on regardless, unconcerned and unaware if it buries you or the whole world.
Also, the snow builds up in other areas, places you can’t shovel, sometimes places you can’t even see. Maybe it’s on the roof. Maybe it’s on the mountain behind the house. Sometimes, there’s an avalanche that blows the house right off its foundation and takes you with it. A veritable Act of God, nothing can be done. The neighbors say it’s a shame and they can’t understand it; he was doing so well with his shoveling.
I don’t know how it went down for Anthony Bourdain or Kate Spade. It seems like they got hit by the avalanche, but it could’ve been the long, slow winter. Maybe they were keeping up with their shoveling. Maybe they weren’t. Sometimes, shoveling isn’t enough anyway. It’s hard to tell from the outside, but it’s important to understand what it’s like from the inside.
I firmly believe that understanding and compassion have to be the base of effective action. It’s important to understand what depression is, how it feels, what it’s like to live with it, so you can help people both on an individual basis and a policy basis. I’m not putting heavy shit out here to make your Friday morning suck. I know it feels gross to read it, and realistically it can be unpleasant to be around it, that’s why people pull away.
I don’t have a message for people with depression like “keep shoveling”. It’s asinine. Of course you’re going to keep shoveling the best you can, until you physically can’t, because who wants to freeze to death inside their own house? We know what the stakes are. My message is to everyone else. Grab a fucking shovel and help your neighbor. Slap a mini snow plow on the front of your truck and plow your neighborhood. Petition the city council to buy more salt trucks, so to speak.
Depression is blind chemistry and physics, like snow. And like the weather, it is a mindless process, powerful and unpredictable with great potential for harm. But like climate change, that doesn’t mean we are helpless. If we want to stop losing so many people to this disease, it will require action at every level.
Look Past the Masks
snowplow. I know first-hand people who suffer from depression, low self-esteem, and a dozen other mentally debilitating conditions are extraordinarily good at hiding their pain. They take appearing invulnerable to heights none of us could possibly climb, so recognizing they need help is not easy. I guess the solution is to offer it whenever and wherever we can, whether or not we see flashing signs indicating a need.Be the Shovel
About the Author
Sheri Conaway is a writer, blogger, Virtual Assistant and advocate for cats. Sheri believes in the Laws 
of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. She specializes in creating content that helps entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income. If you’d like to have her write for you, please visit her Hire Me page for more information. You can also find her on Facebook Sheri Levenstein-Conaway Author.
Be sure to watch this space for news of the upcoming release of “Forgotten Victims: Healing and Forgiving After Suicide”.
