Purpose, Plan, or Passion?
I read a post on LinkedIn recently that talked about following your purpose rather than your plan. So many preach making a plan and following the steps carefully, or at least making a plan and allowing the steps to formulate themselves while you keep the plan in sight, and keep working hard. If you ask me, each person has to figure out what works best to keep them both focused and interested. Nothing kills a plan, purpose, or anything else like lack of interest.
I never really gave it a lot of thought during my corporate days, but whenever I had a project, I was super-focused and engaged. In fact, I was excited about getting up and going to work to dive further into the task at hand, or heading to my computer if I was working from home. But once the project was completed, if it wasn’t replaced by something else, ennui was quick to set in. With ennui came dissatisfaction; with my job, myself, and even my life.
I didn’t realize it at the time, but I don’t do well without some kind of purpose. As a result, it took me a couple of years to unwind my downward spiral after leaving a job I’d come to hate for a life without a strong purpose. Yes, being a writer was my purpose, but it didn’t take long for me to realize it wasn’t enough to get me leaping out of bed in the morning and diving into the tasks which would lead me to my dream.
Getting My Life on Track by Integrating Purpose
As days stretched out into years, I was sleeping more and doing less. Whole days went by when 
I didn’t get dressed, make the bed, or accomplish a single thing. I tried a couple of paths only to find they irritated me more than satisfied. In hindsight, the disconnect was a combination of being sales-y, and pitching or cold-calling. Neither fit my personality or purpose (which at the time, I’d yet to recognize).
Many stumbling steps and false starts later, I’ve found my purpose, yet still, I’ll wander off course now and then, chasing the next shiny thing. I’ve learned not to beat myself up for those wanderings. Instead, I look at what I’ve accomplished in the meantime, and haven’t been disappointed in a very long time.
I may not have all the projects on my Trello board running smoothly, or even close to meeting my due dates. But there are enough of them I’m keeping up with, or am even ahead of schedule. I’ve also built a certain amount of flexibility into my work and plan. My purpose evolves, and needs the space to do so without regret or judgement. The way I see it, as long as I’m giving my clients my very best, I can give myself some leeway to evolve and grow.
Taking Time to Re-evaluate
I was talking to my daughter about my writing and mentioned I had been posting chapters of my first novel to a writer’s board, but had fallen behind on my memoir rewrite. She asked if maybe I should focus on the novel instead of the memoir for right now.
I’d gotten it into my head that the memoir had to come out first because it addressed an important issue; family suicide. Her words made me stop and think. I address the topic in my blog fairly frequently, and often have people seeking me out to talk about someone they know who’s lost someone to suicide, or has mental health challenges. Maybe that’s where I need to focus my attention when it comes to my responsibilities towards impacting attitudes and attention to those topics. Maybe it’s OK for me to turn towards my older dream of becoming a published fantasy author?
As life has changed, I’ve adjusted, shifted, and even gone in entirely new directions. It doesn’t mean my purposes have disappeared or become less important. Sometimes another purpose drives me more powerfully, and I have to follow where it leads. When I return to what I’d been working on, it’s usually with a clearer head and sharper focus.
My Mind and Heart Thrive on Variety
Maybe that’s the whole idea. If I focus on one idea too long, I get stale. It’s the nature of my 
brain and how it functions. It’s all over the place and easily distracted. A 30-minute conversation can cover a hundred different topics, jumping from one to the next like rocks across a stream, then back again in a completely different order. Fortunately, in my later years, I’ve been attracting friends with equally wild thought patterns so it all works. In fact, I enjoy the variety far more than I would staying on the same topic for more than a few minutes at a time.
When another purpose seems to rise in importance, I am starting to believe it’s my mind’s way of saying: You’ve hung around here too long and you’re getting stale. Time for a change of scenery so you can come back with a fresh point of view.
My point of view regarding my memoir has indeed gone stale. If I look back, it does so regularly. Suicide and mental health aren’t easy issues to address without getting sucked into an emotional maelstrom. Taking regular steps back and getting involved in other things that occupy and challenge my mind seems to be a pattern I’ve developed in the 10 years since I started writing it.
My Purpose Lives in Multiple Mediums
My blog has evolved from “Surviving and Beyond” to “Embracing Vulnerability”. It hasn’t changed while I pounded away at a single topic. It changed because I unconsciously allowed the pounding to help me release a lot of things I’d carried around much longer than necessary. It evolved because I allowed myself to open up, at first in print, but soon, in person. Looking back over what I’ve written in the last 10 years, I can see how I’ve changed, and in doing so, allowed multiple purposes to develop.
My multi-purpose brain needs to jump around a bit. Staying in one place, or on a single path for too long makes me feel sluggish and frustrated. I’ve been forcing myself to focus on the memoir for too long, and see now I am sluggish and frustrated where it’s concerned. I’m holding back on other things which are clamoring to be heard right now.
The brain is a powerful mechanism, but I’ve learned it functions best when the connection to the heart is wide open. Only then does it guide you to do not only what you must, but what you love. Re-engaging my own connection (thanks in no small part to my wise daughter) made me realize I don’t always have to work on the things which are meant to help society. Sometimes, I have to work on the things which make me happy.
I’ve been saving documents from a Novel Intensive I got from the writers’ conference I attended a couple of years ago for a rainy day. Though the sun shines brightly out of a clear, blue sky today, I think my rainy day has arrived.
About the Author
Sheri Conaway is a writer, blogger, ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri 
believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income. If you’d like to have her write for you, please visit her Hire Me page for more information. You can also find her on Facebook Sheri Levenstein-Conaway Author. And check out her new group, Putting Your Whole Heart Forward.
Be sure to watch this space for news of the upcoming releases of ” Rebuilding After Suicide” and “Sasha’s Journey”.
